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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

The Haunted Tower - Chapter 4

I think the best part of the story has finished, already. That's because I've been planning those 3 chapters a lot before I've posted them, and now the rest of the story won't be as planed as those first chapters. Even though, I'll try to write the best I can. He it goes the 4th chapter, enjoy it:

Chapter 4:
The Ancient

The souldemons have already gone, but Eyodar's heart was still bumping very fast in his chest. When the leader looked at him after telling that there were survivors of the massacre in Thronkster, he thought that he had been unmasked. But then, the leader looked to someone else and continued his speech. It was just a false alarm.
That day was the last peaceful day in Ashlaam, at least for Eyodar. Since his sword wasn't a magic one, he would have to search the city for new weapons to defeat ghosts. He would also have to get informed of how to get in the tower and rescue his daughter, Jeryah.
After a lunch in the Broken Cup Bar, Eyodar decided to visit the darkest part of the city. As many other cities, Ashlaam also had a part were the murderers were those to impose their laws and were death was a common event.
There, he found a small tent were some strange weapons were being exposed. He got into the tent and searched for the seller, but it looked empty. When he was preparing to leave, a very old woman appeared near the exit of the tent.
'Hi there, my dear!' she sayd, smiling at him. 'You're finally here...'
Eyodar hesitated. Did that old woman really knew he would get in her tent? Then, he answered her:
'Yes, I think I'm really here... Are you the owner of this tent?'
'What do you think, Eyodar?' when she sayd that, the warrior understood that something was wrong. How could she know his name?
'How do you know who I am?' he asked, scared of the strange knowledge of the woman. 'And who are you?'
'Eyodar, you shouldn't bother about me now. You have to save your daughter from that terrible ghost in the tower.'
Eyodar was shocked. How could that woman know about his plans? How could it be possible? After a scary and silent moment, the old woman decided to talk again:
'Jeriah isn't dead yet. However, you shoud better hurry up: there are a lot of things much worse than death, and Lord Worroc knows them very well' she stopped, but as Eyodar was still silent, she decided to go on with her speech. 'As you know, your sword won't be able to hurt Lord Worroc. You'll need a magical weapon. Did you visit me to ask for one?'
Before answering, Eyodar thought she already knew the answer. A predictable smile on her face when he answered confirmed his theory.
'So' she sayd. 'I think you'll like this one. It's a very powerful dagger, made by a very important wizard in Scholken, a city near yours, Thronkster' then, she showed a little dagger, with a dark red blade. Eyodar grabbed it, and immediatly felt the magic that powerful object had. Then, he finnaly decided to ask the question that has been pumping his head since the old woman talked about his mission:
'Thanks, but... Why are you helping me?'
The smile in her face dissapeared.
'First of all, I think you should know who I am' she sayd, looking serious for the first time. 'I'm the Ancient, and my job is to revenge the death of my ancestors, that died in the arms of Lord Worroc. Since the day He killed them, my family has been helping the other vithims of His power and destruction , not only to avoid more deaths, but also to help anybody who can kill Him to do it.
«As you can see, no one has alredy killed Lord Worroc. When you'll enter His tower to save Jeriah, you'll probably see many dead people. Just don't worry about them: you'll only have to pass trough the obstacles of the tower and then hit Lord Worroc with that dagger. Any questions?'
Eyodar was very confused about what she sayd. So, she was the Ancient, and was helping him to save his daughter because she also wanted to kill the ghost. However, she didn't explain why didn't her family itself fight Lord Worroc, and how could she know so much about him. Unfortunately, she seemed to want him to leave in that moment.
'No. I'll just try to kill him and bring my daughter back!' he answered. The Ancient smiled again and Eyodar left the tent.
When he was getting back to the Red Fish, a group of people surrounded him. He understood that group was one of the groups that was attacking everybody in that part of the city. The leader of the group grabbed his sword, and then the others followed his movement. There was no place to run... He had to fight them...

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2 Comments:

Blogger MF said...

Ok then, back to commenting!
I think the end is way much better than the beggining. The men pointing was just silly, but it's funny at the same time. However, I found some errors in gramatic and you should be more careful about than.
But your story isn't bad. In fact, it is excellent because you picked a famous topic (fantasy) to do a serious story, that's why I like it.
Even if you aren't analysing your story in following chapters, I think this one is pretty good and you should be proud about that.
Keep writing as inspired as you are and we'll have a masterpiece in the blog!
Please update because I wanna see which powers does the dagger have! I promise I'll keep commenting!
PS: I know this is too long but I decided to make strong critics from now on...

Wednesday, 11 January, 2006

 
Blogger R said...

Well.. thanks! It's good to know somebody is enjoying the story!
About the gramatic errors, we all have (in the sentence you wrote that, you also wrote more careful about than :P). But I'll try to fix them next time...
Sorry but I won't be able to update soon... However, I got some new ideas right now and I hope they can be some kind of compensation for that...

Sunday, 15 January, 2006

 

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