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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Underground - Chapter 7

If the heart is blind, so is the soul...
Open your eyes , see the road ahead!


The Underground
- Chapter 7 -


Elise rushed outside, again into the poring rain. Looking right and then left, crossed the road and continued to walk along the street back to the park. She took long, large and determined steps, but her mind wasn’t at ease.

She kept telling herself that it wasn’t her fault, Brian was the one who overreacted and acted stupidly; still, she felt that something was wrong and she could have avoided the whole situation. She quickened her pace when she finally saw the cabin.
She reached for the door, closed her eyes and opened it:
“Look, I’m sorry ok?” she apologised.
There was no answer.
“Enough! I don’t deserve this, Brian….” She said stopping her foot, against the wooden floor. Finally, she opened her eyes. Her lower lip trembled, her eyes stung, as she looked at the empty cabin. She turned around, left and closed the door behind her…

It was still raining heavily. Her hair was messy, her clothes were wet and her backpack seemed to weight a ton. She continued to walk; by this time she was completely lost, frightened…in other words, miserable. She didn’t know what to do, where to go, who to talk to…She knew she had blown it off, she had lost two friends in one day.

While she walked, she rose her hand, placed it on her lips, left out a sob and carried on. Her cheeks were wet from rain and rolling tears. She was nearly blind, from all the water and deaf from all the stress and traffic.

After that, time started passing by slowly, in “the slow motion” kind of slow. She was numb, desperate, lost. She dragged her feet around the block, under the rain and thunder, with nothing but a backpack and pallid expression.

Suddenly, she fell on her knees and unhurriedly took out Lance’s blue tissue. She lied back, held the fabric close, blinked twice and slowly closed her eyes. She heard a last lorry/truck honk, before it all went black.

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1 Comments:

Blogger MF said...

Oh, Elise don't cry!...
Sara, even if it is sad, this is a very beautiful chapter. I hope Elise can get over it...
One opinion: you could have described more the scenes, places, I mean, this chapter is too short and I was disapointed because I wanted to know more. But that is up to you, so we all trust you.
And Elise's feeling are too important to let them pass. DEscribe them more so that we can identify Elise as a Human being, in other words, human.
But I really like your story. You picked two themes (magic and romance) that, in this case, have a perfect union.
Just a reminder than you aren't only improving in writing in English, but we see a different and better structure of the text in these later chapters. Congratulations!

Wednesday, 11 January, 2006

 

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